In the future we'll all be gay
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
