Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
