listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
