i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my shit smells like andre
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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