...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
