I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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