if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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