Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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