Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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