Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
