I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
