All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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