I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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