U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
