the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
