you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
