Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
