so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
