it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
