3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
