sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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