i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
