well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
