six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
