i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
