You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
