Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize