I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
