Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
