If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
