sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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