i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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