I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
