i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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