When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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