Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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