no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
