and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize