i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
