its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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