your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I need moral support for this bender
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
