Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
