is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
