She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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