Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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