apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
