I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize