If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
