I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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