is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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