i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
