he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
