I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
