too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
