I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
