I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
