i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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