You smell like a Billy Joel song
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
