32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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