There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
