OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
