The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
