Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
