Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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