That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
