I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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