She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
