i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
