WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
