I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
