You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
