i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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