Soap is not a condiment
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
