I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
