i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
