Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
