drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
pray to the hookup gods
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
