I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize