Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
