I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
