I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
