everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
