I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize