just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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