How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
