i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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