you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
