Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
