is your mom at the bar?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize