I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
