I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
